A Person

PLEASE don't read unless you lost a lover cause you might think i'm either dramatic or exaggerating when this really happens sometimes to people.

Umm..I don't know why am i even writing this but maybe to let you know that you're not alone. So here we go. I've been thinking about what am i going to write about in this post and i had no clue until i thought of talking to you about a person. Someone you meet in your life that changes everything in it and all its aspects. Someone you..well i don't know how can i really say it so i'll just be writing down some sentences that might not mean anything but that's because the topic itself is difficult to describe. How can you describe someone that changed your life? You met and you loved so much that you were ready to give up on the whole world "literally" just to be with them. They might be full of negatives..or maybe even they don't have anything other than negatives but..so what? You don't care cause you don't know why but your heart just chose him. Not only your heart but everything in you is just as if it was created to be theirs and with them. You imagine your wedding, house , days, nights, talks, fights, honeymoon, kids, break ups and..everything your whole future with them. Do you get what i mean?? You met someone that changed your way of thinking, your attitude ,your behaviour,...etc. He even made you do things you never imagined yourself doing them or never could have done it without them being there. You might have even done things just with them and couldn't do it with anyone else but because he was so special. It was as if you're talking to yourself. He is everything to you and then..he leaves..you don't know why but he just does..and you become the widow/widower of a husband/wife you never had. But they were there and you just can't get it..how everything seemed to go to plan and then..it turns black! And then you go through a special phase of dying, as i call it. And it's divided into three steps:

1. You feel like your chest just applies so much pressure on your heart and lungs..you can't breathe and it's just..COLLAPSING!

2. Not just your soul that would be suffering but you find even your body aching. You might be sitting just fine and suddenly you get fever, headache, stomach ache, vomitting, and dizziness for some time then it's over.

3. EMPTINESS..just..emptiness..it's all gone..your plans, your future, your dreams, your imagination. You want basicaly nothing..you don't need friends, parents, grades cause everything just seems useless and you want just to sit there alone only with your memories.

You're dead.

Days pass and people think you forgot because they see you laughing even sometimes you think you do..but no it's still there. All of it! The happy talks, chats, calls and the dying part. It's never gone and you wonder when will it be over and really move on like 100%? But the good thing is that you never give up on trying to let go. You never give up on trying to forget because we all really need to create a new future for ourselves and try to move on. Consider it as trying to reward yourself for being you.

PS. Oh God please don't let anyone go through the dying phase one day. Amen.

Change!

In one of my previous posts,human nature, i mentioned that part of our nature was having negatives in our character. It's normal. However, i forgot to mention that it doesn't mean that we must leave things how they are. It's true that we have to accept ourselves as we are and it's others choice to accept us or not. But as a favor to do to yourself,to your soul or to your being, is to look at yourself in the mirror and think of the negatives that need to be changed. This doesn't mean that you're changing to please others! No absolutely! It's to please yourself, to be proud of yourself. We all know that no one is perfect. Yet we have a goal to try to reach to the nearest level to perfection. And to achieve that we have to work on ourselves. So right now go get a pen and a paper and write all that your character includes, positives and negatives. Then hold it in front of you and ask yourself," if i knew someone like that,will i trust him? Will he be close to me? Will i like his company? Will i like talking to him? Will he help me in trouble?". Then start answering and evaluate your character. Treat others the way you like to be treated and be who YOU want to be. Don't wait for someone to change you because he might never come. Have the courage to stand up for yourself and be proud of who you are. PS. Never mind my stupid drawing. I was never good at it .LOL!

Missing Someone

Sometimes we all get that feeling,after a day,a week,or years, which is remembering someone..someone you don't get to see or talk to anymore these days. But the problem is not in remembering the person but in remembering the memories you had together. You start having flashbacks of situations and moments you shared together ,and you were there. Then you start seeing him ,as I call it literally seeing him, in front of you and the whole scene would be there and you would be just watching and you suddenly have a smile on your face. Then you start wondering why did you stop talking, why you don't see that person anymore, where is he ,and if it is possible to connect with him some time. This brings me to my previous post about protecting your world ,and the thing is that when you talk to them again you might find that things changed. This person changed; they're not as you left them before,how they are..their character changed. Yours surely did change too ,but you start even thinking if he is still your type or not.. if you can get along together or not.. If he is still one of these people that add strength to you or not. And you stop thinking about all these questions ,and you start missing him again. You find yourself having this thought of not caring about all these questions and all You care about right now is that You're talking to someone You miss so much and You miss your talks together. You miss your days, your memories together, and you wish they were all back. Sometimes we all have that one question which is what is the worst feeling in life and I honestly don't know but I can assure you that missing someone is one of these worst feelings, specially if when you come to talk to them again you don't find them the same anymore. It's like you lost them-lost the old them.

Losing someone

Losing someone..losing someone..losing a friend, losing a lover, losing a parent, losing a sibling, losing a relative, losing your boss, losing a colleague, losing a teacher, losing a penfriend or even losing an enemy. Through out our lives, we, humans, build what i call it our special world or society that strengthens each of us. It includes our character, physical looks, thoughts, behavior, interactions with others, knowledge, dreams, goals, and finally people. People who help us give our life a meaning and make us stronger. People who stand up with you when you're down or confused or not in the mood although they might not want anything from you except seeing you happy and successful. Even your enemy! What ever fights you have, you learn from him and you add up to your knowledge. And then comes a time when you lose one of these people,and "losing" doesn't mean death. It could mean stop interacting or communicating with another because you two are not on the same track anymore. You might not trust each other or maybe you don't understand and get along with each other as you did before. So, you lose each other. And that's when you feel like a part of your "world" is falling apart,and you're getting weaker in that part. So, i'm writing that post because i wanted to tell everyone who lost someone something. Don't let it take over. You can still save your world and your life. You've still got alot so just think positive. Maybe losing that person will add up to your knowledge too. I know it's sad but don't let that sadness bring you down and think about everyone you still have in your life. And if you didn't lose someone officially but feel like your relationship with them is falling apart you still have a chance to fix it. Protect your world with all it includes. Talk to them, help them, and work things out together. Never give up on protecting your world.

Human Nature Thing

God created us for a purpose. We are all in this world for the same purpose. We all share the same thing. However we share a lot of different other things. We share a country, religion, family, school, pressure, stress, guilt, anger, but most of all, we all share being humans. Creatures like any other organism which are very complex. Not just by the way our body systems are but even our life. We have different sort of behaviors and attitude and we might speak different languages. Our way of thinking is also difficult which proves that we are complex creatures. But we are all still HUMAN BEINGS. We have what is called "human nature". It includes all of the above with so much other things,including negatives and positives. Part of those negatives,mainly the most important one, is not understanding and realizing this human nature. If we looked at our problems in life, something we also share, we will find that it's because we are not appreciating others around us or those around us not appreciating us. I've met many people that treat others as inferiors ,as if they are the only human beings in this world, a superior complex creature from their point of view. We start by humiliating, beating and insulting each other. "How does he compare himself to me?!!" Or "How can someone like him do something like that to me?!" are everyday questions asked when someone hurts you. But we don't see the whole picture. We always look at life as only from our point of view, the only correct point of view not accepting anyone to underestimate it or make fun of it. We don't see that maybe the other person is right..he can't be all mad and do all this to me without being right about something at some point. We humiliate others but no one is accepted to humiliate us. Why? Isn't that what you are doing to others? Why is it fine to you and not to others? Why do you expect others to accept it and you don't? Aren't we all the same creatures? You might have an enemy you wish to destroy or a person you don't like at all and you wish like something bad would happen to them!! Why? Isn't he a human being? Would you like anyone to do any thing similar to that to you? Even if he did the same to you..even if you are just trying to stand up for yourself and be strong, we all need it. We all should be brave enough and strong to stand up for ourselves but this doesn't mean being unfair and neglecting the other point of you. There's always a way to everything even if it was hard. Believe it or not, if you followed the easy way, you're just looking for more problems to destroy yourself with. You are the one mainly affected more than others cause this is your character and life. Once you learn how to respect and appreciate yourself and those around you, you learn how to be happy and satisfied. We are all the same human beings with same human nature. Just accept it because ,part of our human nature, we cannot live without love in our life. And I don't mean a boy and girl love. I mean a mother to her child, a friend to a friend, a teacher to a student and etc. I'm sure we will all share a better world if we considered these aspects. And remember, before trying to change those around you, start by looking at yourself and changing the human inside.

Life Aspect

Today i just let it all out. What i've kept for the past months couldn't keep it for a few more days. With reference to my last blog about forgiving people, i would like to add that we need to forgive them up to a certain limit. We give them chances to change and wait. We help them change as much as we can because we care about them and we wish for them the best. However, as much as they are "human beings", we are too. Life can't be all about giving nor all about taking. When you find yourself giving too much expecting something in return but nothing comes out, we need to step back,just like opening a factory. We spend money on buying machines, equipments, paying salaries, hiring workers, offering them accomodation and everything expecting good products coming out. If we lose on the first trial, we could wait for the second, the third, even the forth..until you realize that you've done the best you could to improve and gain profit but the problem was never with you. Other factors can also affect. Same as with people. You're not the only one to blame;the other partner should be blamed too. Because sometime he could be the one who didn't help in improving himself. However ,at the end, you feel disappointed about all the time and money wasted on a product that was never ment to succeed. But think positive! Atleast you've tried. Atleast you did the best you can do to help others.

Forgiving the Beast

When you're mad at someone..you don't think about ever talking to him again. Rage takes over and everyone expects you to do anything. All that comes into your mind is how humilated you were and stupid to just forgive that person after all he has done and will do over and over again. But the thing is..I wouldn't believe it was easy not to talk to him for a long time. It never is easy to just block someone out of you life after meaning a lot to you. Either a father or a brother, a sister or a mother, a friend or a lover even if he was an enemy, he is still a human being. We shall all admit that no one is perfect, a statement we hear about almost everyday. It's just that you might not realise the negatives in your character but they surelly do exist. Same as for that person. No matter how cruel he is, how disrespectful and most of all how "insensitive" his behavior or attitude is..He is still a human being with as much negatives ,as it may seem, as positives inside, even those you don't see. You must be sure that there comes a time when you feels like leaving all this world and depressed just like anyone. However he might lake confidence in those around him so he finds no one there to talk to and he's just left out. As for us,it's okay to feel angry and sad. However what's most important is just to know the "feeling" and never allow it to take over. We need to tell ourselves"Okay that's anger.Now i know it..DETACH". I'm sure we all don't want to be doing something we'll regret one day. Besides,one day..when you feel down and obliged to fake infront of everyone including family and friends..he might be the only one to notice it and talk to you..maybe now you can see his bright side. I know how difficult it is..but we all need to forgive to live. I really hope that one day we could all feel the presence of those good and bad ones around us. We need to repect others and their point of view no matter how different it is from ours. I mean they must be right about something don't you think? Again, just try as hard as you can putting yourself in others place before judging or taking an action against them. Will you wish someone to be hated, humilated, depressed, or left out as you are? Wish for others the best not the worse and never try helping in making it worse even if it was for revenge. We Are All Human Beings.

Happiness in Being Back!

When I first started that blog, i always asked myself " Why am I doing this?","Will I ever be able to stay committed to it?",and at last " Will I ever get to find a benefit from doing this?". Having a blog was always a burden. A homework that had to be done from time to time just to practice typing and writing. Then came a time when i found other useful things that needed to be done and were set as priorities above doing just a homework. The word " blog" had always passed by when i used to study for my IT IGCSE exam, and still i never felt its importance. Until a dear friend asked me for the link, which took me a while to remember. Guess it's been over a year since my last post and so when i came back i understood what was it first for. A blog is not just an online diary or journal. A blog is where you write all your past memories and thoughts. It's more of a photo album except that it doesn't have much photos. Yet, you can still imagine what your life was back then and moments you've been through just by reading your blog. I now see a blog as more than a piece of writing. In your "writing album", you type all your thoughts what ever it is even if it was full of grammar or spelling mistakes. After all, what you're concentrating on at the moment is the ideas you're writing and the moments you're mentioning not the way you're going to say it or the sentence structure. The importance of the blog may differ from one person to another but this is how I see it now as for me..as for Amel. At last, i really would like to thank my dear friend for that great favor he did for me. He might have been just asking about a link..but i'm sure everyone now knows it's not just a link anymore or a homework,even me.