Finding Oneself

When you are upset or feeling down, you wait for someone to ask you what's wrong and you take advantage of that moment to just say everything that has been bothering you. Till this happens..every day that passes by eels heavier and heavier and the burden just increases with more pressure on your heart and body;all because you were annoyed by something and wanted someone to help you solve it,untangle the knots,and lightens you up. Hmm...but there is a darker moment..a moment when you look at yourself in the mirror, see the burden, feel the pressure, and the person comes and asks you what's wrong..except that you don't know. You don't know what's bothering you. You don't know what's depressing you and depriving you from sleep. And i believe this is worse. Misery just collides with confusion giving you a sense of loss, not of something or someone but loss of oneself. Why this happens? When do you untangle the knots and figure out what's wrong? The answer falls into oblivion but it will happen. Just when you feel exhausted ad not being able to push any further it will happen. So just try to put yourself together, stand up, be strong,and most of all have patience. Try to isolate yourself from anything that can stress you out even more. Then, in a very inner quiet and calm place inside you, think of it..think about what do you want. Think about what is happening in your life. Do you want to change it? Then do.

Mirror Image of The Inside

"AAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!",shouting out loud as i teared myself from inside. Our days are not always bright and sunny. Our soul is not always happy and smiling. Life is full of ups and downs..and depending on each one's character there's a certain level up to which you can indure these downs. You cannot always withstand the everyday pressure,stress,upsetting moments, disappointment,frustration, or any other negative feeling. We are human beings. We are living organisms. Yes we drink,eat,mistake,sleep,carry heavy luggage and are capable of doing a lot of things but we also get tired. Just as our nervous system can feel a hot flame against our hands we can feel the pain in our hearts,the headache after overthinking, and the muscle ache after a long day at work. We are living organism. We have feelings that can range from excitement and greeeaaattt joy to medical depression. And although we all share this in common and although most of us these days are going through a stressful phase of our lives regardless of the reason..unfortunately some of us don't respect that. We don't get that i might be talking to someone in humiliation and sarcasm when he is hiding a tear behind a smile. We might be bullying someone or even just underestimating the reasons to why they're upset without even trying to put ourselves in their shoes. And here comes the question? Why?? Why don't we try to imagine ourselves in their lives,in their days, in their current place? Wouldn't it make a difference? Wouldn't it change the way we see ourselves? Wouldn't it solve alot of our social problems? Wouldn't it help us all unite as one and live in a more peaceful environment without the continuous feeling that most of those around you are against you and trying to push you down? Maybe we should all start considering how we see each other,not from outside but from very deep inside..

Confusion

Once-in-a-lifetime.. something comes up on your mind- a thought, an idea, or even feeling- and as important as it is to you you hold onto it and give it a good time thinking. Should you continue with it?Or is it better to just turn back and forget about it? Some people would say "well, if it's something related to your future ,as in something financially or like a lifetime decision, then you gotta think thoughtfully with your mind. But if it's not that,you can follow your heart. However,sometimes in some things,this just won't work because every aspect has advantages and disadvantages and the disadvantages might outweigh both your mind and your heart's point of view. At the end what should you do if you want to turn back? How,specially if it's related to your heart Just like loving someone not good for you? And then you think "do you really really love him? do you really think he can be your future husband/wife? iIf you said " No..BUT", the mind would say "No BUT'S! If it didn't work out, you will lose him forever and you know it. What if he hurts you? It'll leave a mark forever. You already said no so don't risk it. Meanwhile the heart would say" but you love him?maybe this can help you two build a future together. But he makes you happy? But you feel jealous every time you see him with someone else? But you're always thinking and worried about him?" And at the end, the mind just keeps on being stubborn and the heart in a case of "in-love-but afraid" and you just end up being confused.

Remembering Robin Williams

I know it's been a couple of months since he's gone,but i still can't believe how a great man and actor that lived his whole life cheering people up and laughing would die by committing suicide after a long time of depression! May his soul rest in peace,Amen.

A Person

PLEASE don't read unless you lost a lover cause you might think i'm either dramatic or exaggerating when this really happens sometimes to people.

Umm..I don't know why am i even writing this but maybe to let you know that you're not alone. So here we go. I've been thinking about what am i going to write about in this post and i had no clue until i thought of talking to you about a person. Someone you meet in your life that changes everything in it and all its aspects. Someone you..well i don't know how can i really say it so i'll just be writing down some sentences that might not mean anything but that's because the topic itself is difficult to describe. How can you describe someone that changed your life? You met and you loved so much that you were ready to give up on the whole world "literally" just to be with them. They might be full of negatives..or maybe even they don't have anything other than negatives but..so what? You don't care cause you don't know why but your heart just chose him. Not only your heart but everything in you is just as if it was created to be theirs and with them. You imagine your wedding, house , days, nights, talks, fights, honeymoon, kids, break ups and..everything your whole future with them. Do you get what i mean?? You met someone that changed your way of thinking, your attitude ,your behaviour,...etc. He even made you do things you never imagined yourself doing them or never could have done it without them being there. You might have even done things just with them and couldn't do it with anyone else but because he was so special. It was as if you're talking to yourself. He is everything to you and then..he leaves..you don't know why but he just does..and you become the widow/widower of a husband/wife you never had. But they were there and you just can't get it..how everything seemed to go to plan and then..it turns black! And then you go through a special phase of dying, as i call it. And it's divided into three steps:

1. You feel like your chest just applies so much pressure on your heart and lungs..you can't breathe and it's just..COLLAPSING!

2. Not just your soul that would be suffering but you find even your body aching. You might be sitting just fine and suddenly you get fever, headache, stomach ache, vomitting, and dizziness for some time then it's over.

3. EMPTINESS..just..emptiness..it's all gone..your plans, your future, your dreams, your imagination. You want basicaly nothing..you don't need friends, parents, grades cause everything just seems useless and you want just to sit there alone only with your memories.

You're dead.

Days pass and people think you forgot because they see you laughing even sometimes you think you do..but no it's still there. All of it! The happy talks, chats, calls and the dying part. It's never gone and you wonder when will it be over and really move on like 100%? But the good thing is that you never give up on trying to let go. You never give up on trying to forget because we all really need to create a new future for ourselves and try to move on. Consider it as trying to reward yourself for being you.

PS. Oh God please don't let anyone go through the dying phase one day. Amen.

Change!

In one of my previous posts,human nature, i mentioned that part of our nature was having negatives in our character. It's normal. However, i forgot to mention that it doesn't mean that we must leave things how they are. It's true that we have to accept ourselves as we are and it's others choice to accept us or not. But as a favor to do to yourself,to your soul or to your being, is to look at yourself in the mirror and think of the negatives that need to be changed. This doesn't mean that you're changing to please others! No absolutely! It's to please yourself, to be proud of yourself. We all know that no one is perfect. Yet we have a goal to try to reach to the nearest level to perfection. And to achieve that we have to work on ourselves. So right now go get a pen and a paper and write all that your character includes, positives and negatives. Then hold it in front of you and ask yourself," if i knew someone like that,will i trust him? Will he be close to me? Will i like his company? Will i like talking to him? Will he help me in trouble?". Then start answering and evaluate your character. Treat others the way you like to be treated and be who YOU want to be. Don't wait for someone to change you because he might never come. Have the courage to stand up for yourself and be proud of who you are. PS. Never mind my stupid drawing. I was never good at it .LOL!

Missing Someone

Sometimes we all get that feeling,after a day,a week,or years, which is remembering someone..someone you don't get to see or talk to anymore these days. But the problem is not in remembering the person but in remembering the memories you had together. You start having flashbacks of situations and moments you shared together ,and you were there. Then you start seeing him ,as I call it literally seeing him, in front of you and the whole scene would be there and you would be just watching and you suddenly have a smile on your face. Then you start wondering why did you stop talking, why you don't see that person anymore, where is he ,and if it is possible to connect with him some time. This brings me to my previous post about protecting your world ,and the thing is that when you talk to them again you might find that things changed. This person changed; they're not as you left them before,how they are..their character changed. Yours surely did change too ,but you start even thinking if he is still your type or not.. if you can get along together or not.. If he is still one of these people that add strength to you or not. And you stop thinking about all these questions ,and you start missing him again. You find yourself having this thought of not caring about all these questions and all You care about right now is that You're talking to someone You miss so much and You miss your talks together. You miss your days, your memories together, and you wish they were all back. Sometimes we all have that one question which is what is the worst feeling in life and I honestly don't know but I can assure you that missing someone is one of these worst feelings, specially if when you come to talk to them again you don't find them the same anymore. It's like you lost them-lost the old them.